True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
