so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
