i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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