I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
