JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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