is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
