I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I have post one night stand depression
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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