i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
