I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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