I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
