Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
