remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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