Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
