perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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