Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
