Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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