Do you still have your period?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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