Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize