i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
