my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
