Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
