I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
