How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
