maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
