i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize