I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
