tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
