There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
