I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
