I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
