wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
