Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
