If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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