Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
