I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
