I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I still have a little drunk in my system
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
