hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
