you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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