So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
