singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just invented taco cereal.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
we should paint friendship bongs
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