Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
