I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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