To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
