I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All the doctor said was why
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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