if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
