As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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