shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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