I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just cut my nipple shaving
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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