Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
