I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
