I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My vagina just recognized that song.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
