im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize