Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
