Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
