Can i not drive my cunt home
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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