Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
