well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize