Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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