I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She told me I should be a condom model.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
