He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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