3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
