She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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