he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize