Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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