yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
