I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
