Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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