U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize