A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
