Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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