jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
