I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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